I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
