Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
