Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
