So drunk, too bad you don't want this
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
