the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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