Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
