is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
