based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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