May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
