Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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