This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
