Having a random hookup so left but love u
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
