I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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