There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
