i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
