I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
