Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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