I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
