if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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