so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
