I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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