honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
