Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
