I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
