it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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