HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
