a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
