It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
