We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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