Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize