When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
