i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize