I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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