Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
