i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
