I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
