Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize