On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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