My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
