I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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