btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
