my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
