If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize