At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
