call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im holly from the hills drunk
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
