I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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