Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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