walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
