As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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