This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
