It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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