you win again, gameday.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
