the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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