somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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