Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
