Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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