I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
