Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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