um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
