I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
