Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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