Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
