Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
