Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
