This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
