goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I FOUND THE LEGS
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
