just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
