I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Randomize
