I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
