i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
