so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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