The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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