SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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